Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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