dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
