When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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