i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
