Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
