As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
