there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Everclear isn't food dammit
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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