yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So vagazzling was a success
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
