stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This baby is an asshole
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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