I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
