its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
