My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
