Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
