He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
