Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
