So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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