Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
