Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Of course I have a pirate flag
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
