I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
