You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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