so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
