Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it hurts more in the daytime
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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