...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
