And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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