I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
