he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize