you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My cat gives me a boner
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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