no, he came in my armpit
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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