i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
