lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
