he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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