Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he thought i was a dude.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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