You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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