No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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