i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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