That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
