i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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