You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
