I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
