im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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