i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
