Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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