I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
