my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
