he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
