After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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