I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
