Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
