I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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