Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize