Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
