Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
