omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
