i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
