I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
