There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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