The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
