i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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