Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
