Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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