my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
