I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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