Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
