wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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