This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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