oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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