just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
