The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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