I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
