Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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