So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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