At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
