Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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