I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
