Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Enjoy the penises
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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