I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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