I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
