I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize