apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
birth control should be required to get into college
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
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