Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
