I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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